The Devastation of Peter Pan
I miss working with kids.
Mostly, because they don’t say things to me like, “blow me!” or “lick it,” when I am taking logical action aligned with policy*. (*Real “adult” reaction).
But also, because they do say things like, “I love peeing and pooing.” And, “You can’t be in Lego club if you don’t believe in God!” Or even, “[I barfed] because I saw the poo coming out.”
I miss working with kids because they make me laugh more than adults. Raw honesty can be HILARIOUS. You know how insecure you can feel talking to a group of adults? What about when four nine year olds compile what they call a “truth book” about you? Inside this book, they rate your dancing skills (awful!) they point out your flawed “hippopotamus thighs” and let you know (in an honest way, which is okay, right?) that you’re a “bad singer.”
I mean, I may not have known these personal qualities if those pre-teen boys hadn’t informed me. They were doing me a solid, really. That book wasn’t designed to make me feel insecure. That book was designed to make me laugh.
Once, I looked after my cousin’s kids while they stayed with my aunt. Driving somewhere one afternoon, the youngest kid fell asleep in the car seat. When we parked, he woke up disoriented.
“Where are we? What are we doing?” he asked as he adjusted to his surroundings.
I turned around from the front seat to tell him we were going to rent a DVD for him and his sister to watch later.
My aunt turned to me and stage-whispered. “Oh, GOD.” She said. “I can’t imagine what it would be like to never know where you were going or what you were doing. It would be DEVASTATING!”
She was legitimately horrified.
Devastating? No. It would be THE LIFE OF EVERY CHILD ON THE PLANET.
Kids never know what they’re doing or where they’re going. THAT’S WHAT BEING A KID IS LIKE.
Sometimes, being a kid totally sucks. Like when you have to wait behind the Bank of Montreal for twenty minutes in the car with your brother and best friend while your mum does whatever mums do at the bank for twenty minutes.
But even when you’re waiting, you make up a stupid jingle to the sign that reads: BANK OF MONTREAL CUSTOMER PARKING ONLY PLEASE. This jingle will stick in your head FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
You didn’t know you were going to make that jingle up while your mum went into do some banking. You didn’t know you’d sing it for 14 minutes, repeatedly, laughing hysterically every time you rang out the lyrics as you waited. And you definitely didn’t know you’d remember it at age 27.
Being a kid is definitely not devastating. Being a kid is just learning to accept and be at peace with whatever your parents/teachers/out of school care staff/any figure of authority tells you you’re doing. You just roll with it until you realize you have the ability to decide on your own what your life may hold.
I miss working with kids because kids are as zen as you get until you a) develop a deep addiction to some form of narcotics b) you find your sanctuary in life or c) you realize that life isn’t controlled by you, as much as you will it to be.
The only part about being a kid that’s truly devastating is coming to the realization that you’re officially an adult.
Peter Pan was onto something.
